I have a lazy bone and it all the fault of advertising. I love it when the instructions for doing something I didn’t want to do in the first place tell me to ‘let sit’. I can’t wait to get to that step. Its usually right after spraying a stain or wiping something. As a bachelor, on an annual trip for cleaning supplies I’d look for for two things on a bottle of solvent;  a) multi-surface and b) insistent that you let it sit or soak after a good spraying. Those ads that suggest that there is an team of molecules or a navy of small anthropomorphic brushes happily and eagerly doing the work for you can be real appealing.

With the hive-mind of the scrubbers cleaning for you, pee and poo don’t stand a chance!

What would your mouth be today without yesterday’s multiracial platoon of CREST ARMY protecting your teeth from the Cavity Creeps? (NEW CREST GE-el! NEW CREST GE-el!)  Thank God they’ve bent the spout for the toilet spray or I’d never be able to get at that grime myself! “Attack, cleaning molecules, ATTAAAACK!” Often I’ll forget to go back and wipe the can down after blasting a cursory spray under the rim of the bowl ’cause, you know, I’m on to other things. Hm. I’m past the 10 minute mark.Guess I’ll give it another blast and wait another 10 minutes. I AM CREATING TIME. When cooking a meal, after heating and stirring we’re often told to ‘let it sit’ if it happens to be a particularly rich or creamy sauce. My love for pasta is borne of that interim phase where I stir the noodles in and I can let the pot sit on its own, the boil doing the work for me. I once drew a diagram of a self-stirring spaghetti pot. It had a cover with louvers and ball bearings around the rim with a main axle that spun and swirled the noodles. It died on the drawing board. Lazy, yes, but the gumption to draw it! I like that time when you let whatever it is sit and you can do something else. So do most. There is a chain of events that you have set in motion and now it is time to sit back and let whatever do its thing.

8. Repeat step 5 forever

There is no letting anything sit mowing the lawn. You can stop halfway but the only thing actually happening is the grass you haven’t cut yet is growing, so it behooves a person to speed the plow. You go until its done. Washing the car? Nope. Keep wiping and scrubbing and buffing and vacuuming until its done. Pimple on the end of your dink? It will not take care of itself. I mean it might just… Oh forget it. One of my favorite bits by a comic is Larry Miller’s relationship advice, where he likens a bad relationship to spoiled milk. ‘Snif-snif… This milk’s sour!. Shrug. Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow…” Certain things you just can’t leave sit. Others, however…

I happened upon a yoga site not long ago. Part of the meditation instructions were, “Let yourself sit upright with the quiet dignity of a king or a queen.” Well you can’t fuck with that. Its ZEN! It makes things better. I’ll try to appeal to the meat and potatoes set. Any instructions on cooking a steak suggest that after removing the slab of cow from the heat source, do not immediately tear into it you fool. It is said that you should rest it. Plate it. Let the juices roil and blood course through the beef. Mmm. Sure. I’ve got time to take care of other things, like doing nothing or changing the channel or looking for the controller. Let it sit. Not your bag? Paul McCartney sang ‘Let It Be’. Did he mean let it happen or did he mean leave it alone? After listening to the song for 40 years, I’ve come to the conclusion that he means both.

We’re told letting things sit is an important part of getting things done as long as there is some magic catalyst doing work while you sit back and let it all happen. That tingling sensation on half of your scalp when one part has Head & Shoulders, the other part is the LEADING BRAND. Hopefully your hangover is being eroded by Gatorade’s pixelated electrolytes. If you were forced into the unjust duty/punishment of dishes like my brothers and I were when we were kids, often you’d come to a particularly gunky pot or casserole dish. Cheese baked on to the porcelain. Never a clearer bell was rung than my mother saying “Let that sit”. A peal that rang through the house and sent us scattering and diving into a pile of LEGOs in front of the TV. A bell that said I can forget about this dish and dishes for the rest of my entire life. Until casserole night that is, when the whole sordid scene would play itself out all over again. What a living hell my childhood was. Such pain. It’ll probably take care of itself.

I have to pick and choose what I’ll let sit. If you’ve warm blood coursing through your veins right now, it’s likely you are letting something fester. *downloads another productivity app he’ll never use* Is it your taxes? Your relationship? Is it finding another job? Maybe you can make a change right now. Maybe not. Maybe its something as simple as letting the dog out or doing the vacuuming. Hate vacuuming? Hey, have I got the tool for you!