Young Talia is TEN and there isn't a day
Without heartache or drama or grief
From embarrassment, pain, or some silly retort
Like somebody made fun of her teef

She wails through the house like a banshee of sorts
Streaming tears, O my sweet summer child
She blubbers and sputters and tells me the tale
I'm like "Shit, I'll beat that by a mile"

Whenever she's lonely, embarrassed or bummed
I'll tell her a time I felt worse
I think that it helps in a weird little way
Knowing Daddy has some kind of curse

She'll feel shamed and afraid and she'll have what I call
An emotional sort of upheaval
She'll cry and I'll ask "Did you fall on your face
In front of like, five-hundred people?"

Its a trick that I use when she's feeling real small
Theres high drama in the reportage
I'll tell her my tale, an embarrassing one
Of which there is surely no shortage 

Like the time she fell down and the schoolchildren laughed
I said "Hey did your pants catch on fire?"
She frowned and said "No, did that happen to you?"
I'm like "Kid, this is how it transpired..."

Or how bout the time when her friends were being mean
I said "Ooh did you poo on the floor?"
She's like "Don't be a moron, I'd never do that."
I'm all "Kid, calm the light, close the door."

Now I'll tell you a tale I've related to her
When her temperament needed a boost
"ALL BOATS ARE AT SEA, I'M OUTNUMBERED, OUTGUNNED
AND THE CHICKENS HAVE COME HOME TO ROOST!"

There's a splinter of graphite inside of my hand 
And its been there for forty-two years
I'll show and you'll see when the light hits it right
And we've all had a couple of beers

It floats and it moves in the meat of my fist
When my fingers move everything 'round
A tiny grey token, a bruise gone unspoken
From when I let somebody down

Grade 2 was the year and my school was up north
"J.H. Sissons" if I can remember
In Yellowknife City, N.W.T.
And the memory burns like an ember

My teacher was tall (aren't they all at that point?)
Mrs. Monaghan I'm not mistaken
She saw me she thought, "A responsible boy!"
To this day even then I was fakin'.

She said to me "Chris, I'll be gone for a spell
Keep the students subdued and be cool."
"Certainly" I responded and soon she absconded
The room in the hands of a fool

A maniac quiet encompassed the class
And I wasn't quite sure how to take it
Everybody was chill and behaving it seemed
And I thought we just might fucking make it

Then Kenny just smiled as he dumped all his books
On the floor for the whole class to see
He started a fire with some kindling and brush
It was then that they knew they were free

Standing up from their chairs and just moving around
They'd never had such range of motion
Suddenly they went wild it was if they'd all gone
And ingested some powerful potion

Like a cease-fire the calm had belied the true trauma
The room filled with drama and screech
In the back of my mind and the forefront as well
"Please come back here god dammit and TEACH!"

So then out of control was this inmate revolt
A-aron Levy had blood in his eye
Kimani hit Mike and Mike screamed bloody murder
Like something from 'Lord of the Flies'

A rebellious roar came from Darla, she tore
Pages out of some tome in her lap
There was no time to question her move as I mentioned
"Its time to be quiet and snap

To attention I'm sure our dear teacher is near
Striding purposefully through the rotunda!"
Just then Sally moved up on my left from the rear
And Mike finally crawled out from under

Sally gave me a kiss (English Sally, I mean
Not the other one, she was like EEWW).
It was right on the lips and it gave me the feels
An experience totally new

Okay Sally was wild but they're all, to a child
Running rampant beyond my belief
My anger, frustration, their wild ululations
Compounding on top of my grief

I looked to my right and Kim Weaver was laughing
Amid all this evil unrest
She'd pulled Dana's hair but before I could act
Ronny Delmage stood up on his desk

I'm not sure of the tune but he started to sing
Thats when Mikey hit Kimani back.
"I'm alone in this world" I then muttered aloud
As the other kids hid from attack.

I'd alerted this crew once already it seemed
But they weren't about to be quiet
My dad used a tactic called "Yelling and Screaming"
I thought maybe now I should try it

The noise in the room a cacophony now
I knew soon I would need to erupt
I inhaled rather deeply and summoned a shout
"OKAY PLEASE EVERYBODY SHUT UP!

"Then I slammed my fist down with the pencil it held
With my voice loud and clear 'oer the din
I didn't know it just then but in moments I felt
That the pencil bit deep in my skin

What was wild, what was weird is they kinda were quiet
These reprobates, dervish and imp
Like flicking a switch and I urge you to try it
When your nine year old thinks he's a pimp

Our teacher was coming, I felt it I knew it 
My skin went all clammy and cold
That feeling of loss or of failure you get
When you know that the centre won't hold

I leaked and I bled and I suffered in silence
Then Monaghan walked in the room
She yelled "Whats this NOISE all this CHAOS and VIOLENCE"
Her voice was all thundering doom

Now aware of the damage her jaw seemed to drop
She surveyed this Heironymous scene
The total disaster, remarkable flop
That leaving me sentry had been

"I tried and I hoped!" I said wondering why
She had put me in shaky command"
Its a nightmare" she moaned, she looked down at the floor"\
"It reminds me of Custer's Last Stand"

In retrospect now I look on it and think
Lady why did you put me in charge?
My voice says the words then my thoughts meet and merge
It was never an issue that large

Amid the confusion and havoc that day
What I'll choose to remember is this:
Not error nor mishap, betrayals abound
What I'll choose to recall is THE KISS

Its just us in our minds when our mem'ry rewinds
Wherein everything's worse than it was
You replay it enough soon you like how it feels
It can give you a kind of a buzz

I'm explaining to Talia that Life can get crazy
She furrows her brow and she asks,
"So what the fuck happened Dad, how did it go?
"And I tell her "Its all in the past."

I told you before 'neath the skin of my palm
Rests a piece of a pencil in stasis
I look at it now when the world doesn't care
'Bout the feelings and vibes it erases.

The mistakes that you've made and your shortcomings meet
In the 'burbs of your brain if you let them
Soon Woe and Regret find a place on your street
They move in next to Chaos and Bedlam

So breathe in and be still know that life is a game
Take these neigbours for all that they're worth
And in days or in months maybe years you will find
They can all become sources of mirth

My gift to you child, not just pain of my past
Also laughter and jokes in replete
Ev'ry moment I've lived has prepared me for you 
And you laughing 'cause Daddy's a geek

My advice to you now as you tumble headlong
Towards doubt, likely trouble and wrath
Its just thirty-six words but I feel like they're strong
My most solid and confident math: